The East Bay Bike Path Sheriff

Lord, please make me Sheriff of the East Bay Bike Path.

Clint Eastwood and Timothy Olyphant wish they were as tough as me

A tin star on my chest/where my heart used to be.

Those who cross the center line and take up the whole space in groups

who are rude

don’t keep track of their children

make their dogs run when their tongues are lolling out

will be ticketed

Or run over with my bike.

Whichever. 

Of course, a true Sheriff—to be distinguished from those Hollywood types—

 offers reward as well as punishment.

I would give Good Citizen badges to the people who

 pick up their dog poo

smile at others

and move graciously out of the way of oncoming traffic

whether they need to or not.

I would give badges to all those who are out there

no matter whether they are walking, running, biking, or roller-blading

because they are active and in nature.

Especially those who take the time to marvel

at the osprey, herons, and egrets (my favorites)

point out the turtles, swans, and foxes; and

give the fleeing rabbits and squirrels plenty of room.

 I’m kidding of course. 

You can’t pray to God to take a position that doesn’t exist.

Or at least I’m pretty sure that’s not kosher.  Just like me appropriating a Jewish word

When I’m not even close to Jewish, although

I have Jewish friends. 

You probably shouldn’t even pray to have a position that does exist—

That is totally not being a mensch (whoops, there I go again). 

Maybe I’ve been taking yoga too long

Or read too many meditation books

But I’m reasonably certain that

It’s wrong to ask for anything besides the well-being of others.

Too bad.

I would have made an awesome Sheriff.